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An analytical
approach yields confidence and satisfaction
by Richard L.
Weaver II, PhD
An analytical approach to anything can
be taught, but it is much easier to learn if it feels comfortable. Just as
music or art tends to be self-selective, that is, those with some talent
already tend to gravitate to these areas, an analytical or critical approach
to life does the same. For some, analyzing, judging, comparing, and
contrasting is as natural as the air they breathe. It is part of any science
course — often referred to as “the scientific method” — but transporting
that point of view from the classroom and making it part of your everyday
perspective on life doesn’t always take place.
Analytical intelligence is improved and becomes more meaningful when it is
coupled with creative intelligence, or the ability to cope with novelty, and
with practical intelligence, or how we handle problems that occur in daily
life. What makes up “intelligence” is not the point of this essay, however.
If it is true that in society today, one of the prized attributes that
employers look for in new employees is analytic ability, what does that
mean? Or, to turn the question around, what could new employees do to
demonstrate analytic ability? Certainly colleges and universities would
contend that one of their primary goals is to teach students how to think
and write critically and analytically, but what does that mean, and how
would it be detected?
The first step in thinking critically and analytically is perspective. When
you realize that one person’s view of anything is partial, one-sided,
distorted, biased, and narrow, then it becomes immediately clear that the
only way to gain perspective is to stand back from the information given. It
could be that you are too close to see the whole, or it could be, too, that
you are so far away that you are unable to gain a close examination. Since
any position you assume distorts what you are observing, the key is to
examine the issue or object in detail and from many angles. Before doing
anything, gain perspective.
The second step in thinking critically and analytically is persistence. One
tendency of those who approach decisions or solve problems is to react too
quickly. Issues must be carefully considered, of course, but examination
should take place more than once. Effective critics and analyzers don’t give
up on ideas, they pursue them in a determined, purposeful, and tireless
manner, and it is just such unrelenting pursuit, incessant searching, and
sustained striving that brings effective results.
The third step in thinking critically and analytically is gathering and
evaluating evidence. Without evidence any observation or opinion is merely
an assertion. In its broadest sense, evidence refers to anything that is
used to determine or demonstrate the truth of an assertion. Gathering and
evaluating evidence is the process of finding and determining the
credibility of facts, opinions, statistics, and other data used to support a
belief or viewpoint. Gathering and evaluating evidence allows the critic or
analyzer to check closely to see what is accurate and what is false, compare
the same issue from a variety of the points of view of other theorists and
writers, determine and explain why one set of opinions, results, or
conclusions is preferable to another, and keep on guard for literary or
statistical devices that encourage taking questionable facts at face value.
The fourth step in thinking critically and analytically involves logic. One
needs to make certain that each statement follows logically from what went
before. In addition, flaws in reasoning, evidence, and in the way
conclusions are drawn must be examined. At this point, too, one can check
for hidden assumptions as well as attempts to lure one into agreement.
The fifth step in thinking critically and analytically is to look at
implications. The essential question is, where does or will this belief or
viewpoint lead? What conclusions are likely to follow? Are the conclusions
suitable? Rational? If not, should the belief or viewpoint be reconsidered?
The problem is that most people are subjective. That is, they offer
viewpoints and opinions that are strictly personal, individual, and
emotional, and they have engaged in no activities whatever that might lend
objectivity to their views with the exception, perhaps, of saying, “And I
know a lot of people who will agree with me on this.” That comment alone
reflects zero critical or analytical thinking.
In addition to subjectivity, poor critical or analytic thinking is reflected
in weakly structured ideas, opinions and viewpoints offered as narrative
[stories] instead of analysis, generalized points of view that are vague,
wordy, circular in their argument, and based on value judgments and
unfounded or unacknowledged assumptions. None of these form the foundation
of solid ideas, reasoned decisions, or sound solutions.
When you meet people who have some training in critical and analytical
thinking or who are naturally adept, you will detect it in the rigor they
use in approaching new situations, the precision they demonstrate in
expressing their viewpoints, their judicious selection of supporting
evidence, the way they present well-thought through arguments, and clearly
balance differing points of view. All of these reflect good critical and
analytical thinking, and they can be detected in interview situations when
interviewees are asked how they would make decisions or resolve problems in
totally new circumstances or unfamiliar situations.
When you learn to think critically and analytically, it is likely to have a
direct and immediate effect on your life. Why? Because of the number of
daily/weekly activities where it will be revealed. It will be displayed when
you persuade, or are the recipient of persuasion from others, in sales
situations or dealing with political techniques, in debunking con artists,
psychics, doubletalk, pseudoscience, and lies. More important, you will
develop greater confidence in your ideas, and you will find it more
satisfying to share them with others.
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Eight steps for raising your standards And Then Some!
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Are you happy with “good enough,” or
have you become complacent with the “ordinary”? It’s a little like living
with all the junk you have accumulated over the years and making no move to
change the situation. As-a-matter-of-fact, you have become so accustomed to
it, you don’t even notice it anymore. Often, it is this same mindset that
carries over into every aspect of your life — relationships, jobs, household
chores, and projects. To change the mindset requires effort and commitment,
and when “good enough” is sufficient, why bother?
One of the reasons people consistently perform at a higher level than others
or produce more remarkable results is that they possess a higher mental
standard. Because you always move in the direction of your currently
dominant thought, when your mindset is “excellence,” you will move toward
that and perform at a higher level.
The important point here is a simple one. Trying to change behavior and
performance — like improving your life, upgrading your standards, enhancing
your relationships, advancing your employment status, and bettering your
everyday experiences — requires a change in your mindset, otherwise any
change you plan or undertake is likely to fail.
The question clearly becomes, how do you do it? The very first step is to
realize you are in control. It is your choice about how you want to live
your life. Because standards are a reflection of you and what’s right for
you, you must make a choice: Choose to raise your standards. You are in
control, and until you raise your standards at a deep, internal level, then
nothing is going to change in your life.
The second step is to look at the people you admire. What is it about them
that you admire? How do they behave? How do you feel when you’re around
them? What would you have to change in your life to become more like the
people you admire? These comparisons can offer a useful plan of action or,
at the very least, a place to begin.
The third step is to expect more from yourself. To change, you are going to
have to adjust, modify, revise, reshape, rework, and, perhaps, transform
yourself. Not only is this risky, but also it requires work. Demand more of
your performance in everything you do. You may need to become more creative
in looking at and selecting from a wide variety of options; you may need to
become more efficient by cutting out time-wasting, unnecessary distractions;
you may need to put some pressure on yourself to break out from your secure,
safe, and contented comfort zone. Although leaving any safe, stable
environment for something unknown is unpredictable and potentially fraught
with danger, it can be an invigorating, action-packed adventure as well.
The fourth step is to expect more from others. You need to surround yourself
with people who will challenge you. This may mean finding new players in
your life. New co-workers, new friends, new relationship partners are more
likely to test you, make demands on you, stretch, stimulate, inspire, and
excite you. This is precisely what you need to push you to your limits.
The fifth step is to become more assertive. You get what you settle for;
thus, when you risk rocking the boat, disappointing (or surprising others),
or giving yourself more than what you think you deserve, you automatically
raise your standards. When you raise your standards, you will automatically
start to attract better things into your life — better friends, more varied
experiences, superior relationships, and even higher quality material
possessions.
There is no reason you need to settle for an inferior meal in a restaurant,
a dirty room in a motel, a product that is below the quality you expect and
deserve, a bad seat in an airplane or on a bus, or a negative conversation
that may damage your ego, adversely affect your mindset, or unfavorably bear
on your future goals. Take things back, write letters of complaint, buy
higher quality things, do not support low-quality TV programming, refuse to
pay for advertising, fix things instead of throwing them out, never buy
anything on impulse, and stop settling for less.
The sixth step is to be easy on yourself. Change like that being discussed
in this essay is not going to happen overnight. Much of what is being
changed required your whole lifetime to learn and practice, thus, it is
accepted, comfortable, and pleasant behavior. That is why so many people do
not change. Become aware of your new behavior, and when you find yourself
slipping back into your old ways, stop trying to change and live your new
standard. Be easy on yourself when you slip; it is a necessary,
always-present aspect of growing and changing.
Think of “raising your standards” as creating a new habit for yourself. It
is a new way of acting. Remember that it takes a minimum of twenty-one
repetitions of a behavior before it becomes a new habit. Consider this a
journey, and as on any excursion — especially one with as important a
destination as this voyage may have — you must enjoy the ride. Be observant
and aware as this expedition takes you into new, unchartered territory.
The seventh step, in addition to the fourth step where you may find new
players in your life, make a commitment to socialize more. When you raise
your standards, the people around you will respond to you differently. There
will be those who choose to leave your life while others choose to remain.
New people will enter your life because they are attracted to your new
standards. By socializing more — especially with raised standards — you will
contact more of those likely to see and enjoy your new standards and more of
those people who will choose to become part of your life because of those
new standards. The quality of your life will improve.
The eighth step is to remove the words “good enough” and “okay” from your
vocabulary.
Higher mental standards — desiring distinction, superior quality, and
remarkable brilliance — can provide a framework for everything you do. It
could be an event you’re planning, a product you’re designing, a meal you’re
preparing, a letter you are writing, a project you are completing, a
proposal you’re submitting, a speech you are creating, a vacation you are
planning, or a room you are rearranging, when your standard is excellence,
you will perform at a higher level. We tend to take our standards for
granted, however, standards matter, and it is possible to raise them. By
following the eight steps outlined in this essay, you will raise your
standards And Then Some!
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Writing in 1961 for the New York Herald
Tribune, John K. Hutchens said, “A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a
room with the English language...,” and that conveys in 15 words exactly the
selfishness writers must enforce. Writing is a lonely profession; however,
to get that alone-time, writers must resist outside temptations, the lure of
television, the Internet, and other media seductions, and even desires to be
with family and friends. With success in writing, it is a healthy (but
necessary) selfishness.
I never called it “healthy selfishness,” however, until I read Drs. Rachael
and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the
Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006). They define it as
“a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation,
compassion, and concern for yourself — by yourself” (p. 12). They suggest
that it includes a respect for your feelings, trust of your knowledge and
ability, acceptance of your weaknesses and imperfections, an encouragement
of your efforts and struggles, and an offer of unconditional love and
nurturing of the child within (p. 12).
As a writer I have often been asked about the life of solitude that
necessarily accompanies the choice to be a writer. Heller and Heller clarify
the benefits I have experienced. It brings a zest for living that is
astounding, a joy that comes from truly experiencing, and it’s the key that
opens the door to a life of freedom — freedom, they say, “from being ruled
by the opinions and demands of others, as well as freedom from the voices
within your mind” (p. 12).
Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and
contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me
if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over
teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full
time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own
choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and
using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do.
Such peace and contentment is empowering.
When you are independent and accepting and understanding of your self, you
recognize and capitalize on your capabilities. You open yourself to
criticism; however, you are so appreciative of your self and trusting in
your talents and abilities that you are unconcerned. This opens the doors to
truth and greater understanding.
Healthy selfishness grounds me in the present but allows me to think
realistically of the future as well. While I experience the true pleasure of
creativity and self-expression, I can focus on myself as creator, inventor,
and problem solver. This leads to realistic problem solving and
decision-making and, in that way, forces me to think more deeply, intensely,
and profoundly.
The goal of healthy selfishness is not to ignore all other demands. I want
to acknowledge at the outset of this description that I am indebted to
Heller and Heller for their clear description of what healthy selfishness
looks like. My goal is to obtain a healthy balance. That is, when I come
face-to-face with the needs or wishes of friends or family, the demands of
other writing projects, I attempt to find a creative way to meet the
requirements of others while satisfying my own needs and desires. I don’t
deny myself unless there is a very good reason to do so but, when it is
necessary to put my own needs aside, I will do that without resentment.
Now, when it comes to my physical needs, I must be nurturing, though not to
the extreme. I give myself the rest and nourishment I need, not only to stay
healthy enough to get all the jobs done that I face but, mainly, because it
would not occur to me to not do so. I do not make it a practice to deny
myself unless there is a very good reason for doing so, but I am not a slave
to my moment-to-moment whims, and that’s what’s important. Vacations, other
demands, and the needs of family and friends can intrude, of course, but
only under my watchful, judgmental eye.
What is important in all of this is that I trust my perceptions and
preferences. After making a decision, I dislike going back and forth —
reconsidering my choice. In general, I would rather make a mistake, pick up
the pieces, and learn from it rather than backtrack or sit on a fence,
endlessly debating whether I’ve made the right choice.
There is a risk in all of this. When I do not run to the rescue of family
and friends, or when I do not give them exactly what they want when they
want it, I may get accused of being uncaring or insensitive. Although I
would prefer that they understood my motives and the wisdom of my approach —
and, for the most part, they do — their accusations do not — and cannot —
distress me.
I get pleasure from many things: from something as simple as a tall, cool,
glass of iced coffee with milk when I’m thirsty, to the satisfaction of a
job well done. If situations or people prevent me from completing my work in
the best possible way, I work around them to the extent that I can. I enjoy
honing my skills and becoming better at a task by repeatedly experimenting
with different approaches and shortcuts to getting the job done.
Multitasking can be pleasurable. I find it neither stressful nor
anxiety-producing but rather a challenge that enables me to see competence
in action — which is one of the enriching, enhancing, and encouraging
rewards.
I have long-term goals, and, although I am aware that I may not be able to
complete them all, I feel neither frightened nor self-blaming at the thought
of never getting to do all that I want in life. I have so much; I have had
so much; and I appreciate it all so much!
Healthy selfishness is part of my everyday experience. Either I come by it
naturally or I have learned the hard way that it is a far better way of
living — for myself as well as for others. In either case, I have discovered
that a good balance of healthy selfishness can make my life pleasurable,
productive, and amazingly rewarding.
I have the courage, balance, and self-confidence that many people envy. I
have chosen healthy selfishness as a way of life. Still, in the everyday
world, friends, family, spouses, and children may make me question my right
to healthy selfishness, but I know that for me, it not only works, but it
works extremely well in producing an effective, efficient, and productive
human being.
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Live life to the fullest!...
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
You often hear comments like “Sue has a passion for what she is doing,”
or “Are you passionate about this issue?” And the reason you hear such
responses is because people who pursue their passion in life tend to be
powerful, positive, proactive, and purposeful.
Passion is an intense overpowering emotion. As I began college, mine was to
go into medicine, until I had to take a required speech course. Those in the
pre-med curriculum had no use for, interest in, or identification with this
hurdle we had to jump to complete our coursework.
The assignments, activities, and enthusiasm of a dedicated and committed
speech instructor hit a chord that changed my life. To follow my new
passion—becoming a speech major—required taking more courses, being in
college longer, and making major decisions that would affect the rest of my
life. For me, this was a bold and risky move.
William James said, “Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half
awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental
resources.” When was the last time you did something bold? When was the last
time you grabbed life by the tail and took a risk? When was the last time
you turned down an opportunity to play it safe?
If you have been lucky enough to follow your true passion—utilizing the
gifts and talents you’ve been given—you know what “being alive” means. Life
is wonderful; life is exciting; and life is bringing rewards and
opportunities you may never have dreamed of.
Making the right choices has valuable and worthwhile benefits. It generates
tireless energy. It keeps you on track. It keeps you moving towards
following your gifts and talents.
Finding your passion makes you look at life differently. There is a love
there that motivates you to do the best you can and to learn as much as
possible about your chosen field.
When you find and follow your passion, too, your life doesn’t seem wasted;
your life has a meaning and purpose; and despite difficulties and
adversities, you are optimistic, and you always know that what you’re doing
is the “right thing.” Your passion comes from within, and you know it’s
right.
How do you find your passion in life? Ask yourself, what’s the ultimate
drive in your life? What do you get excited about? What do you love to talk
about? When you talk about it, do you radiate with enthusiasm? If you were
to announce to the world, “For me, living is . . . ,” with what would you
fill in the blank?
The key ingredient to being passionate about life is—loving what you do.
Just having a goal or a plan is not enough. Academic preparation is not
enough. Prior experience is not enough. Passion and productivity are Siamese
twins in these fast-paced times.
First, decide the kind of person you want to be—and do something today to
make it true. The Air Force core values offer worthwhile standards:
integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all you do.
Everyone can do better in some area of life. Take an inventory of your life
and decide where to make positive changes then live that life.
Second, focus on what you want to give, rather than on what you want to get.
Many people think backwards. They think happiness comes from having things
instead of living a life of significance.
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
I’ve never given it a great deal of
consideration because it happens often when I am writing. I have selected a
topic; I have researched it; and now I am putting ideas into words. It is a
moment when I am aware of and paying attention to that point in time in
which I find myself. My past is gone, my future is not yet here, and I exist
between them in the present moment. What is rewarding, of course, is that I
have made a choice to be in the moment and be aware of what is happening
right now — I am observing myself having thoughts. This process of paying
attention to the here and now — observing my thoughts without being critical
or judgmental — is what many people call mindfulness.
Mindfulness, of course, is not constrained to formal sessions where I
actually plan ahead for it to occur nor is it relegated to meditation
sessions. It is an activity that can be done at any time because all that is
required is bringing the mind to focus on what is happening in the present
moment.
Mindfulness plays a central role in Buddhism being the seventh element of
the Noble Eightfold Path, the sadhana (means of accomplishing) of which is
held in the tradition to engender insight and wisdom. It is in that spirit,
but not tied to religion in any way, that I selected mindfulness as a topic
for this essay because anything designed to engender insight and wisdom
should be pursued with vigor, vigilance, and a sense of “how can I achieve
that?”
According to Thich Nhat Hanh at the Mindfulness Bell (A Journal of the Art
of Mindful Living) (http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/14trainings.htm) there
are fourteen mindfulness trainings which I have not only condensed here but
altered so that they have no religious connection nor necessity. They are
important to, but not totally necessary in, attaining states of mindfulness.
The first mindfulness training is openness. It will help you look deeply and
develop understanding and compassion if you approach life unbound by any
doctrine, theory, or ideology.
The second mindfulness training is nonattachment from views. It means
avoiding being narrow-minded and bound by present views. It allows openness
to others’ insights and experiences, awareness that knowledge is not
changeless or absolute, recognition that truth will be discovered by
observing life within and around you in every moment, and understanding that
learning takes place throughout your life.
The third mindfulness training is freedom of thought. It means making a
commitment not to impose your views on others — even your children — through
authority, threat, money, propaganda, or indoctrination. You must respect
the right of others to be different and to choose what to believe and how to
decide.
The fourth mindfulness training is awareness of suffering. It means
committing yourself to finding ways, including personal contact, images, and
sounds, to be with those who suffer, in order to understand their situation
deeply and help them transform their suffering into compassion, peace, and
joy.
The fifth mindfulness training is simple, healthy living. You commit
yourself to sharing your time, energy, and material resources with those in
need. It means, as well, not using alcohol, drugs, or any other products
that bring toxins into your body.
The sixth mindfulness training is dealing with anger. When anger comes up,
you must breathe, walk, and acknowledge, embrace, and look deeply into it,
and because it blocks communication and creates suffering, you must take
care of the energy of anger when it arises.
The seventh mindfulness training is dwelling happily in the present moment.
It means living deeply each moment of daily life — forgetting regrets of the
past, worries about the future, cravings, anger, or jealousy — by nourishing
joy, peace, love, and understanding in yourself.
The eighth mindfulness training is community and communication. It means
practicing compassionate listening and loving speech by listening deeply
without judgment and avoiding uttering words that create discord.
The ninth mindfulness training is truthful and loving speech. It means using
only words that inspire hope and confidence, avoiding saying untruthful
things, or uttering words that might cause division or hatred.
The tenth mindfulness training is practicing understanding and compassion.
It means taking a clear stand against oppression and injustice.
The eleventh mindfulness training is right livelihood. This means selecting
a livelihood that helps society realize its ideal of understanding and
compassion. It means behaving responsibly as consumers and citizens.
The twelfth mindfulness training is reverence for life. It means cultivating
nonviolence, promoting peace education, and reconciliation within families,
communities, nations, and the world.
The thirteenth mindfulness training is generosity. It means cultivating
loving kindness, learning ways to work for the well-being of people,
animals, plants, and minerals, and practicing generosity by sharing your
time, energy, and material resources with those in need.
The fourteenth and final mindfulness training is right conduct. It means
preserving your happiness and that of others by respecting the rights and
commitments of yourself and others.
Imagine, for a moment, what your life would be like if it was characterized
by each of these mindfulness training insights? Imagine the objectivity —
impartial watchfulness — that could be achieved in your perceptions when bad
mental states and unpleasantness is removed? If mindfulness registers
experiences, without comparison, labels, or categories, imagine the insights
and understandings that can come from the direct and immediate experiencing
of whatever is happening? If mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are and seeing the deep nature of all phenomena — or seeing things as
they really are And Then Some — working to achieve the mindfulness training
insights becomes a meaningful and worthwhile goal.
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Based on the teaching I have done,
advice I have given, essays and books I have written, and thinking I have
engaged in, I want to answer the question: what are the areas most essential
for improving your life? Let’s say that I’m in charge, and like a personal
trainer, I have been given the full responsibility for improving your life
right now — what would I do?
Two caveats are in order. First, remember that I don’t know you. I was
recently talking to a friend of mine, and I leveled an attack against
organized religion. He took it personally, and I had to explain that it
wasn’t an attack against him or his religion in particular. (I have a strong
aversion to authoritarian religions designed, through their authority, to
restrict individual freedom, subordinate those rights to the interests of
the church, and punish infractions.) Second, accept these suggestions as
generic. That is, they are designed to have general application and, thus,
are abstract not concrete.
First, manage your stress. Stress often is revealed through exhaustion, loss
of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping.
People escape it through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior.
Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Start with
the realization that you are the one upsetting yourself. Because stress has
a direct effect on your decision making, however, strive to get it under
control at once by getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutritional food.
Remove yourself from the stressful situation if possible, stop sweating the
small stuff, change the way you react, avoid extreme reactions, avoid
self-medication, stop overwhelming yourself, learn how to relax, change the
way you see things, and do something for others.
Second, take better care of yourself. You and you alone are responsible for
managing your health. How do you do it? You need to do four things: become
as knowledgeable as possible about your health conditions; take good care of
yourself; make the most of your encounters with your doctor; and keep
careful records.
Third, take care of your relationships. Whether your relationships are with
your supervisor, manager, customer or coworker, spouse, partner, friend, or
family member, you want to make them positive, supportive, clear, and
empowering. The best method is to be honest and committed. If you
communicate and reflect maturity and wisdom about yourself, you are more
likely to be accepted and respected. The degree that you love, accept, and
respect yourself is exactly the degree you can feel these qualities for
anyone else. Efforts toward establishing healthy relationships require
consistency, and you must make them a priority in your life. It is through
self-effort that you will achieve your goals of acceptance, respect, and
love.
Fourth, improve your communication skills. Your key to good communication is
listening well. Listen without judgment. Listen with the willingness to be
swayed to the other person's opinion. At least stay open to the option.
Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you
respond. Stop being invested in being right. Being right is not the point.
If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you
have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other
person is always wrong. That cannot be true.
Other suggestions for improving your communication skills include: If your
mind wanders, ask for repetition. Stay focused. In all cases repeat back
what you heard and ask if it is correct. Listen to yourself. Find quiet
moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your
body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read
only in other people. Say it honestly, but with consideration for the
listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful, and sincere. Understand and
acknowledge that most things are not black or white but somewhere in a gray
area. Get comfortable with gray. Finally, have integrity and build trust.
Don't say what you don't mean, and don't promise what you won't or can't
fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.
Fifth, do not dwell on negativity in your life. You need to be careful with
whom you spend time and whom you allow to give you advice. Are they people
who are moving onward and upward, or are they wallowing in negativity,
self-pity, and mediocrity — going nowhere fast? Are their words inspiring
you to become the person you were intended to be, or are they deflating and
distracting you? Whatever direction your friends are heading, they will have
a major influence on your future ... if you allow it. If you are determined
to overcome your negativity and fulfil your destiny you cannot afford to be
held back by such relationships.
Negativity and anxiety work closely together. Anxious or depressed people
cannot see straight. Their perspective on life is blown out of proportion.
Small things seem huge, and molehills turn into insurmountable mountains. If
you are looking at the world with cynicism and bitterness, your perspective
of your life will become magnified and distorted in a destructive way.
There are four things you can do to deal with negativity. First, practice
catching yourself each time you become aware of being negative. Second,
learn to recognize negativity, then stop it. This gives you control over
your thought patterns and ultimately your life. Third, remind yourself how
your negativity damages important relationships. Nobody wants to be around
someone who is guaranteed to bring them down. Don't let yourself be that
person. Fourth, Look for the good in everything. There are few incidences in
life that do not have a positive flip-side, no matter how dire the
circumstances. Make it a habit to look for that silver lining.
By becoming aware of your everyday behavior — whether its in the areas of
stress, health, relationships, communication skills, or negativity --- and
slowly changing yourself to become more positive and optimistic, you will
feel happier within yourself, Also, you will experience less stress, better
health, successful and satisfying relationships, better connections with
others through improved communication skills, and, with less negativity,
attract new friends who actually enjoy your company.
These are simple suggestions for improving your life And Then Some; there
are many others, of course. My feeling has always been that there is no end
to the things that can be done to improve lives if people are aware,
sensitive, alert, and open. Taking responsibility for making the changes
needed is the tough part.
back to page top
>
An analytical approach yields confidence and
satisfaction
> Eight steps for raising your standards And Then
Some!
> Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being
Effective, Efficient, and Productive
> Live life to the fullest!...
> Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they
really are And Then Some
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some